Metacognition - Never depressive again

Funny stories 1

Three Birds on a Wire

A teacher was helping her third-grade students with a math problem.  
After choosing a student in particular, she recited the following 
story:
 
"Billy, there are three birds sitting on a telephone wire.  A man 
with a gun shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left on 
the wire?" 

The boy pauses. "None," he replied thoughtfully.

"No, no, no.  Let's try again, maybe you didn't hear me correctly,"
the teacher says patiently. She holds up three fingers. 
"There are three birds sitting on a wire.  A man with a gun shoots 
one," she puts down one finger, "how many birds are left on the
wire?"

"None," the boy says with authority.
 
The teacher sighs.  "Tell me how you came up with that." 

"It's simple," says the boy, "after the man shot one bird, the noise
from the gun scared the other two away." 

"Well," she says, "that's not technically correct, but I like the
way you think."
 
"Thanks," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question."  

"Okay," she said guardedly.

"There are three women sitting on a bench eating popsicles.  One 
woman is licking the popsicle, one woman is biting the popsicle, 
and one is sucking the popsicle.  Which one is married?" he asked 
innocently.
 
The teacher looked at the boy's angelic face and writhed in agony,
turning three shades of red. 

"C'mon," the boy said impatiently, "which one is it, the one 
licking the popsicle, the one biting it, or the one sucking it?  
Which one is married?"

"Well, uh," she gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied,
"the one who's sucking?"

"Naw," he says with surprise, "the one with the wedding ring. 
But I like the way you think."

 

What An Ugly Duck?

My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat ?circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, ?Don?t shoot!?

The hunter responded, ?Don?t quack.?

Katie O?Connell, Warrenville, Illinois

 

Aged To Perfection

The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even his son turned up.

?How old are you?? a tenant asked.

?I?m 81 years old,? he answered.

The tenant shook her head. ?They sure grow up fast, don?t they??

Thomas Clements, Catonsville, Maryland

 

The Deadliest Job in WWII

My high school assignment ?was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served ?in the Philippines during the war, ?I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, ?Did you ever kill anyone??

Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, ?Probably. I was the cook.?

Marian Babula, Penn Run, Pennsylvania

 

The Real Meaning of ?An Apple A Day??

My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patient?s room to draw blood. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she ?remarked, ?An apple a day keeps ?the doctor away, right??

?That?s true,? he agreed. ?I haven?t seen a doctor in three days.?

Larry Jensen, Englewood, Colorado

 

Have You Ever Been Insulted And Complimented At The Same Time?

It?s amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, ?You look so gorgeous, I didn?t recognize you.?

Elaine Schyve, Cohocton, New York

Love, fun and wisdom

Brian

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