Are You Assertive? How to be more assertive

Are you a human doormat? Do you say "yes" when you mean "no"? Do you keep your opinions to yourself for fear of upsetting or starting an argument with others?

Assertiveness is the ability to formulate and communicate one’s own thoughts, opinions, and wishes in a clear, direct, and non-aggressive way. This test determines whether a lack of assertiveness skills may be keeping you from fulfilling your potential and reaching your goals. Please examine the following statements and indicate how often or to what degree you agree with the statement.

Sometimes assertiveness gets a bad name because people confuse it with aggressiveness. But if there were a yardstick to measure human behavior, assertiveness would fall right in the middle, with passiveness at one end and aggressiveness at the other.

Here are some of the ways that passive, assertive, and aggressive people are perceived by others:

Passive people:

• Have trouble saying no.
• Do whatever others ask, even if it’s very inconvenient.
  
• Get “stepped on” a lot.
  
• Talk softly and don’t stand up for their rights.
  
• They’re not even sure if they have any rights.
  
• Do anything to avoid conflict.
  
• Are taken advantage of. They get resentful but don’t tell anyone.
  

Assertive people:

• Are firm and direct.
• Are deliberate
  
• Don’t blame others but take full responsibility for their own feelings
  
• Concentrate on the present.
  
• Can express their needs and feelings calmly and easily.
  
• Are confident about who they are.
  
• Speak firmly and make eye contact.
  
• Respect others’ rights and opinions, and expect the same in return.
  

Aggressive people:

• Are loud, bossy, and pushy.
• Get their way, no matter what.
  
• React instantly.
  
• Like to get even.
  
• Don’t care about feelings.
  
• Give vice-like handshakes.
  
• Believe that winning is everything.
  

Few of us are exactly in the middle of this yardstick, but all of us can benefit from consciously practicing assertive behavior. Very passive and very aggressive people often have an underlying lack of self-esteem. If you see yourself as usually at one extreme or the other, self-esteem may be an issue for you to explore further. Use the infographic to find out if you are assertive or not.